Volume One
Chapter Seven — Steps to Authenticity
October: Grief
1. If all things in life are potential lessons where an individual can choose love over fear, then the processing of grief, the pain felt over loss, is by far the greatest lesson with the greatest possible rewards. The two key words in the previous sentence are potential and possible. Grief's potential is often sidelined, as the pain caused by not understanding the hard things in life takes center stage. Grief can be carried throughout an entire lifetime. It can be added to. It can double, triple, and finally consume a precious lifetime. Its self-blame component can produce devastating disease that shortens a life span. It is the cause of many suicides and other types of self-destructive behavior. Some grief takes an outward form and creates events that harm or even take the lives of others.
2. Grief is an example of a time when the illusionary human identity produces something so devastating that it can threaten a soul's entire human lifetime. Grief does not exist in the spirit world as there is no loss in love. However, grief is a very real part of this alternative reality. I don't want to say something broad like "it's all an illusion" and make light of all the very serious situations here in what is your reality. You and every single reader's reality is being human. It is very different from the reality you came from, but it is the reality you are in. Therefore, things like grief are very real for you, and I want to help you look at it through the eyes of love, with a fresh perspective. It would be nice if you could just wish it away, wouldn't it? Wishing something would go away isn't practical, and it isn't what love wants either. Your soul wants you to understand everything in a real way, in a loving way, in a healthy way.
3. Grief is the trickiest of feelings because it is identity mixed with loss, mixed with a flood of thoughts that are all connected. "I feel terrible that this happened." "What will I do now that I have lost this person or this situation?" "Could I have done more?" "Could I have done anything differently?" "Am I to blame for this?" Psychologists have correctly identified grief as having stages. The problem is that there isn't any guarantee that the stages will flow into each other. A person can get stuck in one of the stages and resist movement and healing. Grief has been very accurately described as a stab in the gut. It physically hurts, and this hurt can last a long time or the rest of someone's life. What does love have to say about this? Remembering your true identity will certainly help. While in the Holy Instant, ask your soul what you should do moment to moment. It will remind you not to pretend that you aren't human. Feel what you're feeling and allow the process to take as long as it needs to take. The purpose of this book is to remind you that you aren't wholly human. You are both human and divine, so please honor both, for your own sake.
4. Guidelines:
Pick a time of day that suits you best and read the step that corresponds to the appropriate month and date. This is your starting point. Simply reflect on what the step means to you and ways to put it into practice. Accept whatever feelings come to the surface as you work your way through the steps. These steps are the beginning of a transformation where love replaces fear, which is no easy feat. Be patient with yourself. You are doing what few have ever been able to do. Now you have the means. Just add a little willingness and you will be a more soulful and less ego-driven being in just a year's time. Godspeed.
5. October 1
Grief arrives when trauma is unresolved.
6. October 2
Revisit a time of grief in your life experience. Were you able to be patient and loving with yourself during this time?
7. October 3
Is there accumulated grief that you carry around from things that you are unable to release?
8. October 4
Have you met anyone who was unpleasant and hard to get along with? If so, realize that there is trauma and grief there.
9. October 5
Returning to the October 2 exercise, which people helped you during this time period?
10. October 6
Returning to the October 2 exercise, which things helped you during this time period?
11. October 7
It can be a long road from grief to acceptance, but once you are there healing is complete.
12. October 8
Death is commonly thought of when the topic of grief is brought up. Does knowing the role death plays in the physical world help you with this concept?
13. October 9
What other issues in your life experience produced trauma that triggered grief?
14. October 10
Learning to prevent trauma is a healthy way to avoid grief.
15. October 11
Practicing the Holy Instant and sorting through your feelings about hard things that happen in the physical world is one way to keep your feelings from solidifying.
16. October 12
Practicing complete forgiveness for those who have angered or disappointed you is another way to release feelings before grief sets in or even after it sets in.
17. October 13
Ideas that become attached to events and situations invite grief.
18. October 14
One idea that invites grief is "that should not have happened."
19. October 15
One idea that invites grief is "if only."
20. October 16
One idea that invites grief is "I should have."
21. October 17
Upon the death of a loved one, missing their physical presence is part of being human.
22. October 18
Upon the death of a loved one, missing the conversations you used to share is part of being human.
23. October 19
Upon the death of a loved one, missing shared activities is part of being human.
24. October 20
Oftentimes, the death of a family member may suddenly cast you into a new and different role in the family.
25. October 21
Oftentimes, death brings survivor's guilt to those who have been left behind.
26. October 22
Oftentimes, conflict pays an unwelcome visit following the death of a family member.
27. October 23
I can infuse any situation surrounding the death of a loved one with love from my soul.
28. October 24
My soul can guide me to make any situation involving a death at least a little better.
29. October 25
The physical and emotional pain from grief can last a lifetime.
30. October 26
The physical and emotional pain from grief can be temporary if I allow love to show me the way out.
31. October 27
The physical and emotional pain from grief can be overcome with love as my guide.
32. October 28
The physical and emotional pain from grief can be transformative if I allow it and do not resist it.
33. October 29
Grief can be my teacher.
34. October 30
Grief can teach me to love the parts of me where I hurt.
35. October 31
Grief and the pain it causes may be the hardest lesson for me while I am on the earth.
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